


high hopes

by zouee



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, High Hopes, Kodaline, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-18
Updated: 2013-10-18
Packaged: 2017-12-29 18:29:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1008630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zouee/pseuds/zouee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i know it's crazy to believe in silly things, but it's not that easy </p>
<p>Based off <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4povfmX144">this</a> video clip</p>
            </blockquote>





	high hopes

**Author's Note:**

> for a russian translation of this fic, click [here](http://ficbook.net/readfic/1659966)

"Bills... Junk mail... Bills... More bills..." Zayn calls off as he shuffles the handful of letters from his mailbox. He's about to toss away the pile onto his bench until something captures his eyes.

_To Mr. Malik. From Louis Tomlinson._ It reads. Zayn stares at it, and swallows harshly as he remembers the kid he once knew, Louis Tomlinson. 

He was the only friend Zayn had in college. The only _real_  friend Zayn ever had. But once they had graduated, for some reason, they'd lost touch. Zayn thought it was because Louis had lost interest in him, found another friend much more interesting than Zayn. 

He heaves a sigh and opens the envelope, pulling out a fancy, gold piece of paper with white, joined writing on it. Zayn scrunches up his nose. 

_Dear Zayn,_

_You are invited to celebrate the marriage_ \--

Zayn drops the paper. " _Marriage?"_ He says in disgust, "He's getting _married_?"

He doesn't even recognise the name next to Louis'. It sounds Italian, and stuck-up. He must be rich. Very good-looking, too. Zayn's always thought Louis deserved someone with a lot of money and supermodel genes. They probably live in a mansion, with maids and a massive pool. And Louis probably struts around and buys anything he wants and receives Swedish massages with the click of his fingers. 

Zayn sits in his chair and rests his elbows on top of the table, his face falling into his hands. He's right; Louis _did_  find someone more interesting. 

☼

"This'll do." Zayn utters as he parks in an open, grassy field. He doesn't know where the hell he is or if he even has the guts to do what he's about to do, but he takes in a breath and holds it, before grabbing an old sock and opening the car door. 

He walks around the back of the car, wondering for a second if anyone will miss him when he's gone. He shakes his head and bends down, knowing that this won't be a great loss to anyone. 

Zayn shoves the sock into the exhaust pipe as far as it could go. He feels his hands shaking as he stands up but ignores the pathetic doubt in his head. The car has already started filling when he steps in and closes the door. The windows are all rolled up, and Zayn leans his head back against the chair’s head rest and closes his eyes as he breathes in the gas fumes that have filled his car. 

_Almost there..._   He thinks, hating the way the gas smells as it enters his nose and mouth. He tries to breathe it in more slowly so it doesn't smell so bad. 

_Ugh, hurry up._  
 _  
_He hears a voice suddenly shout from far away, outside his car.

"No, get away from me!" It screams.

Zayn ignores it, wishing he had just taken pills instead. 

"Get the fuck back here, Louis!"

And Zayn's eyes fly open. 

He peers out of his window, watching as Louis - all dressed up in a suit and tie - runs down the grassy hill. Zayn spots an army of men, all in suits, chasing after him. The man who must be Louis' husband-to-be is leading them, shouting and swearing for Louis to come back.

But Louis' way in front, bolting down the hill faster than Zayn's ever seen. Straight towards his car. 

Zayn reluctantly opens the car door and steps out, his eyes meeting Louis', causing him to stop in his tracks. 

"Hi," he says, forcing a smile even though the traces of tears are painfully noticeable. "... Can I?"

His hand hovers over the car door, and Zayn looks behind him, watching as the men start to come over. He looks at Louis, and how his eyes are red and how they plead to get away. 

But before Zayn can nod, he walks behind the car, taking out the sock and letting the exhaust work again. Then he gives Louis the 'okay' and they both get into the car. 

"Fuck!" Screams out the man from the hill, the vein in his neck more visible than anything else.

Zayn starts the car, and drives off from the grassy oval and on to the road without a word. 

They don't say much. But Zayn has a million and one questions flooding his brain the more road they cover, especially when he gazes down at the hurtful bruise around Louis' wrist. 

But instead of talking he just reaches down in the compartment below his seat and takes out a canteen filled with vodka. He hands it to Louis and Louis takes it generously, downing a few gulps before tucking it underneath his arm and keeping it there, refusing to give it back. 

He looks around the car, and Zayn can't help but sneak a glance every now and then. He looks so much older than he last saw him, although Zayn's still taller.

Louis spots something and grins, taking out the sock that Zayn had taken to help originally kill himself. But instead of a weapon, Louis looks at it like a toy, and pulls it on to his hand like a sock puppet. He smiles to himself and moves his hand near Zayn's face. 

"Hello, Zayn." He chirps, putting on a fake accent that's way too high-pitched to be comfortable. "How are you today?"

He makes the sock puppet latch onto Zayn's neck, nuzzling into it enough to make Zayn laugh. Louis laughs with him and shakes his head at himself. 

And when Louis falls asleep, Zayn carefully takes the alcohol from underneath Louis' arm. 

"I think that's enough for you."He whispers.

☼

After a long ride, Zayn finally pulls into his drive-way as Louis wakes up. He rubs his eyes lazily and they open slowly but surely, adjusting to where he is. And to Zayn's surprise, Louis' mouth turns to a grin. 

"I remember this place." He says, voice filled with memories and delight.

They enter and Zayn sits Louis down around his sad excuse for a dinner table and fixes him a cup of tea that probably tastes like shit. He wants to ask Louis about what happened at the altar, and why he was running away with tears in his eyes, but he keeps his mouth shut. He figured that if Louis feels like telling him, he will. 

"So, how've you been?"

Zayn cringes at the question because quite frankly he's been nothing but miserable. Hell, he was about to die before Louis came to him.

"Good." Zayn lies with an unconvincing smile. 

But it seems to work for Louis, and put him at ease. He looks down at the mug he's holding between both hands and wonders if it's even hot enough for him. 

"Is the beach down the road still as good as I remember?" He asks, bringing the cup to his lips and taking a long sip.

Zayn shrugs, "I don't know. I haven't been there for a long time."

_Not since you left._ He thinks. 

"Oh," Louis says, taking another sip. "We should check it out."

"Okay, well, uh," Zayn clears his throat, "It's down the road, if you remember, to the left a little bit and--"

Louis chuckles, and Zayn's heart suddenly speeds up. "Zayn. _We_ should check it out."

Zayn's cheeks flush as he smiles embarrassingly. "Oh. Sure."

Louis finishes off the rest of his tea and compliments Zayn on it, making his whole body fill with warmth. Zayn gives Louis some of his clothes so he doesn't have to walk along the beach in his expensive suit, and when he walks out of the room in a pair of Zayn's jeans and Zayn's jacket, he has to look away. 

How dare he look better than he does in his own clothes. 

"Are you still into art?" Louis questions, fiddling with one of the cuffs on his jacket. 

It amazes Zayn how much Louis remembers about him. 

"Y-yeah. Little bit." He replies, standing awkwardly in the hallway.

"Please tell me you still have your art room." He beams, anticipating Zayn's answer. When he receives a nod, he jumps with joy, "Show me!"

Zayn leads him into the small room. It's completely messy and Zayn curses at himself for not cleaning up more often. There are paint brushes and tubes everywhere you look, and paintings hung up on the walls in no specific order, some on the floor, and some on a shelf. Zayn apologizes for the mess but Louis doesn't seem to notice it. 

He steps in and looks around in amazement, looking at all the drawings and paintings Zayn isn't very proud of. He holds his breath as Louis steps closer towards one, his fingers lightly tracing over it. He hears Louis sigh in admiration as he shakes his head.

"You've always had talent." He says, and then turns to face Zayn.

And Zayn smiles back, a fluttery feeling appearing in his stomach.

☼

It's sunset when they finally arrive on the beach, and it's cold but not too cold. And all that's heard is the waves crashing and Louis and Zayn's footsteps along the sand. 

"He was such a dick, you know." Louis says, breaking the silence. Zayn looks at him and he continues, "It took me eighteen fucking months to do something about it."

He laughs, but it's not humorous. And Zayn's looking at him with sympathetic eyes now, remembering the bruise he saw on Louis' wrist.

He doesn't know what to say, so he wraps an arm around Louis' shoulder and brings him in to comfort him a little bit. Louis leans in, his head resting against his chest. 

They continue walking, and they watch the sunset start to go down. 

"Why didn't you come in?" Louis asks after a while. Zayn looks at him, his forehead creasing slightly. "The wedding, I mean." He clarifies. 

Zayn lets out a sigh. He can't even tell him that he had no idea that's where the wedding was taking place; it was just a split-second decision to park his car there. He can't tell him that he wasn't there to attend the wedding at all. And he definitely _cannot_  mention that he was about to kill himself. 

So he says something that isn't a lie, but isn't the complete truth, either. "I didn't know whether or not I'd be able to fake a smile for that long."

Louis looks up at him with big, bright eyes. He doesn't say anything, just reaches up and kisses Zayn's jaw. 

☼

The next morning, Zayn rolls over in his bed. He turns away from the blinding light shining through his window, only to feel something touch his hand. His eyes flicker open, and see Louis there next to him, still asleep.

Zayn recalls making up a spare bed for him in the next room, why was he in here?

Louis starts to wake, his eyes slowly opening. They meet Zayn's, and Louis instantly smiles. 

"Was the other bed uncomfortable?" Zayn asks him, apologetically. He mentally kicks himself for being such a shit host. 

Louis suddenly avoids his gaze. "... No." He says sheepishly, "I didn't try it."

And Zayn finds himself smiling at that, and Louis embarrassingly buries his face, giggling into his pillow. 

They roll out of bed and begin to get dressed. Zayn makes sure to not turn around at any point, in case he spots Louis naked and receives a slap across his face. But as Zayn's pulling on his jeans, he feels something soft hit the back of his head. He sees a pair of rolled up socks next to him and hears Louis laughing. 

Zayn grins, and throws it back at him. 

☼

They go out for dinner that night, the reason mostly because Zayn can't cook and because the food in his house is beyond limited and short of any flavour. They end up ordering the same thing, both forgetting that they like salmon as much as each other. 

Louis talks about what he's been up to, what he did after college, leaving out any part that consisted of his now ex-fiancé. Zayn's prompted and encouraged to talk about his life, but somehow manages to put it all back on to Louis. They talk about their memories in college; the people, the late nights, the classes. And it really pulls on Zayn to realise how much he's actually _missed_ Louis.

"Do you ever wish that we were back there? Life was so much easier then." Louis says, finishing off his meal. 

And Zayn couldn't agree more. "I wish we never graduated."

They share a smile, and when the music changes Louis' eyes light up. 

"This used to be my favourite song, remember?" 

"Yeah," Zayn nods, "You used to sing it all the time." 

_And I remember every word._  
 _  
_Louis counts himself in and starts to sing, "If I don't say this now I will surely break, as I'm leaving the one I want to take..." He smiles and Zayn's so mesmerised with his voice. He remembers how often he used to sing this.

"C'mon," Louis stands, holding out his hand, "Let's dance."

Zayn looks at him uneasily, "Louis..."

"It'll be fine. Promise."

Zayn hesitates. He looks between Louis' eyes and hand, and eventually makes up his mind. He takes his hand and Louis leads him to the space in the middle of the restaurant, then turns to face him. He laces his arms around Zayn's neck, and Zayn is so startled that it takes him longer than necessary to place his hands on Louis' hips. 

They start to sway, the song playing in the background.

_If ever there was a doubt,_

_My love she leans into me,_

_This most assuredly counts,_

_She says most assuredly_

Louis' head rests against Zayn's chest, and Zayn focuses on nothing more than to slow his heartbeat. He's certain Louis can feel it beating into the side of his face from how fast and hard it's going. 

_It's always have and never hold,_

_You've begun to feel like home,_

Louis looks up towards him, smiling ever so softly. And kisses Zayn on the lips.

_What's mine is yours to leave or take,_

_What's mine is yours to make your own_

Zayn looks back in surprise. Louis' lips were just on his. Louis' lips were _just_ -

And he does it again.

_Oh, oh, oh,_

_Be my baby_

The second kiss was longer than the first, but Zayn still was frozen in complete shock. Louis smiled against his lips, and that fluttery feeling was in his stomach again, overpowering him like crazy.

He had to pull apart to know that this was real. And it was, because Louis' looking up at him like Zayn is all he sees and Zayn can honestly not believe this. 

But then Zayn's pulling him in closer, his arms wrapped around Louis' waist, and kisses him back.

_And I'll look after you_

_☼_

They bustle through the front door, Louis' legs latched onto Zayn's waist tightly, his hands all muddled into Zayn's hair. Zayn has his hands on Louis' bum, holding him upwards, although he doesn't look like he needs much help.

Louis bites Zayn's bottom lip, and trails his tongue along Zayn's jaw, making him quiver. He tries his best to carry themselves towards his bedroom without knocking into anything, but he's pretty sure he's knocked over a cabinet and a vase already. 

He kicks open the bedroom door and walks towards the bed, throwing Louis onto it much too eagerly. But Louis loved it, so maybe it wasn't too eager. 

Zayn crawls on top of him, his legs placed on either side of Louis' hips. Louis runs a hand underneath Zayn's shirt as Zayn kisses down Louis' neck. He feels Louis' fingers trail around to his front, running a hand up to his chest, then down to his waistband. He lingers there for a while and Zayn starts to wonder if Louis' just being a tease. But then the button of his jeans pops open and his fly gets zipped down. 

☼

The morning after, Zayn expects to see Louis there this time. He's curled up against him, his arm wrapped around his waist and his hips against Louis' bum. He smiles to himself and starts to kiss Louis face, his jaw, his neck, his shoulders--

His shoulders.

Zayn moves away from Louis body. He looks at the black and blue covering Louis' skin, wondering how much that must hurt to touch. He instantly feels guilty for cuddling up to him last night. He must have been in so much pain, but is too nice to say anything about it. 

Zayn swallows harshly, and takes in a breath before moving the blanket down. The bruises don't stop at his shoulder, they continue down his back, around his hips. 

What sick maniac would do this to him?

He thinks about Louis getting thrown around like a doll, getting smacked and pushed around like he was worthless. Zayn feels tears form at the side of his eyes as he imagines Louis taking it. No one deserves to be hurt like this.

He traces over the bruise as delicately as Louis had done with one of his paintings. Then he kisses it even lighter, letting a tear drop onto Louis' skin.

Zayn doesn't know how long Louis' been awake for, but he turns around to face him. Zayn caresses his face as Louis smiles weakly at him, defeated, knowing what Zayn's been looking at.

And Zayn wraps his arms around Louis' body, hugging him as tightly as he could without pressing on something sensitive. 

And without a word, Zayn promises Louis that he would never hurt him like that. 

☼

They're walking down the pier from Zayn's house, swinging their arms softly with their hands interlocked together.

"Hey, Zayn?" Louis asks, looking out at the ocean. "Why didn't we fall in love sooner?"

Zayn stiffens. He stops walking and Louis looks back at him, cocking an eyebrow. And Zayn's heart speeds up.

"You love me?"

A smile stretches across Louis' face. He drops their hands and wraps his arms around Zayn's waist loosely. "Of course."

And Zayn's grinning so hard his cheeks start to hurt but that's okay because Louis _loves_ him. It's not like an 'I love you in a brotherly way' either. Because by the way Louis' looking at him in this moment, it says nothing else but 'I love you more than anything.'

Zayn brings Louis in closer to him, and kisses on top of his head. "I love you too."

Louis lifts his head to kiss Zayn tenderly. And he's smiling too. 

But then Louis' eyes catch something behind Zayn's shoulder, and Zayn can only watch as Louis' smile vanishes, and his eyes turn from happiness to fear. 

Before Zayn can even turn around, a sharp sensation shoots through his back, knocking him down hard onto the pavement. He hears another gunshot, and his body is over taken by complete pain it makes him cry out. 

It's not until he lifts his head up when he sees Louis' abusive ex run away with a gun in his hand.

He also sees Louis on the ground beside him, blood pouring out of his wounded stomach as he clutches it in pain.

"Louis..." Zayn manages to choke out, blood spitting from his mouth. 

Louis turns his head, his face gone white. He looks so weak.

"Zay...n." He croaks.

And that's all he can say before his face relaxes, and his eyes fall shut. 

"Louis!" Zayn screams, desperate to hear a reply "LOUIS!"

But there's nothing.

He moves towards him with all he can, his back aching with every muscle that moves. But Zayn subsides the pain and outstretches his arm. He takes a hold of Louis' limp hand and squeezes it tightly.

Then Zayn cries into the pavement, before the darkness takes over. 

☼

☁

ϟ

He's awakened by a bright room, and a smell that's way too clean to be his house. When his eyes open, he realises he's in a very uncomfortable hospital bed.

With no pain, no blood... And no Louis.

He sees a nurse cleaning up a hospital bed that's located opposite him. She catches his eye and she flashes him a sensitive smile. But he doesn't give her one back.

He could place any money that bed belonged to Louis. And now he's gone. 

He walks over to the chair by the window and looks out over the city with a blank expression. Why couldn't he have died with him?

Zayn imagines what would've happened if he never chose that exact spot. What if he chose to drive on the other side of town? Where would've Louis ran to? Would he have gotten away in time? Where would he be right now if Louis never found Zayn? Would he still be tracked down and shot? Would he still be _alive_?

He hears footsteps walking towards him. It's probably just some nurse coming in to tell him that lunch is ready. 

But hands are running over the bridge of his shoulders, and down his chest. And arms are wrapping around his body like a tight hug.

And Zayn looks down at the familiar hands, a sock puppet on one. 

It's like a wave just came and knocked Zayn over. Because he's so overwhelmed and ecstatic that tears start pouring down both cheeks as he stands and turns around to face him. Louis smiles and it's enough for Zayn to collapse into him, holding him there as Louis cries into his shoulder. 

“You’re alive.” Zayn whispers, burying his face into Louis’ neck.

“ _We’re_ alive.” He says, smiling against Zayn’s shoulder.

**Author's Note:**

> ♡ [tumblr](louiswmalik.tumblr.com) ♡


End file.
